35 And Pregnant

 I’m 35 and Pregnant ♥…

 

Yesterday, I finally came out of hiding about my pregnancy. These few months have been emotional, scary, and most importantly life changing. Being Advanced Maternal Age can be challenging during such a joyous occasion. Most women find out they’re pregnant and become filled with overwhelming joy. Then there’s me, pregnant and indifferent. I know what you’re thinking, maybe it’s my relationship?

No, my husband is imperfectly perfect. I have the absolute best friendship with him. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in parenting. Maybe it’s our finances? Nope, we make enough that keeps him and I comfortable to raise a child.

So what it is it then…

I’m beyond confused. I wasn’t one of those girls who grew up dreaming of white picket fences, 2.5 kids, and the big house. I grew up hoping for a job I could love and an amazing closet full of shoes. Relationships of the romantic kind were never at the top of my list as I felt men were cool to play with but not to take seriously. Yes, I had daddy issues and I don’t appreciate your judgement while reading my thoughts.

Just know I went to therapy and sorted my shit. So there! With your judgy reading ass lol. Anyway, now that I am 15 weeks pregnant I am still not used to the notion that I have this little person growing on a daily basis. I do all the right things by taking my meds, moving around, trying not to give into these weird food requests, and most importantly taking it easy.

It all feels like I am going through the motions of pregnancy. My mother says when I feel the baby kick I will be more connected. What if I don’t? Will that deem me a bad mom? Am I a bad mom already? I guess I will know depending on how much therapy this kid will need, right?

I thought I would be on some sort of journey…

My peers kept telling me that 35 was the extinction level event for my uterus. I imagined my eggs literally jumping off my uterus wall while the way we were played in the background. So the overall introduction to motherhood at 35 was not positive.

I knew that some women in my age range find help in medicine due to their own specific fertility issues but that isn’t the case for everyone. I knew after my wedding renewal I needed to know my own individual fertility health.

Jamison and I went to see my OB GYN in late February to inquire about how we should prepare for children. My doctor said that we’re still young and to just “turn off the lights.” For the record Dr. Rogerio we do it with them on. I know TMI lol.

The doctor advised that if we weren’t pregnant after six months of continuous trying then we need to come back to discuss other options. At that point Jamison and I starting doing our own research on what natural remedies could increase our fertility. We were already on a balanced diet, but maybe there were other foods that would build my fertility. My husband went on an herbal route by studying horny goat weed.

Here we are studying for this journey, only to find out on March 6^th 2018 we were already pregnant. Picking up the pregnancy test that day from Rite Aid I was in total disbelief. I felt I wasting $20 on this test when I knew wasn’t pregnant. There was no way in my mind it could be true.

I went home and took the pregnancy test…

Placed the strip in the bathroom window and passed the time by watching YouTube videos. After the a few minutes, I analyzed the results. Once my brain connected to what I saw, I silently screamed FUCK!

When my parents found out about me… #reactions #parents #heirnunn #us #forevernunn #blacklove #blackparents #lol #laughs #lmao #comedy #shock

A post shared by Heir Nunn (@heirnunn) on May 20, 2018 at 2:09pm PDT

WHAT! WHO! DA FUCK! NAH SON! I was in so much disbelief that I had the test all under the bathroom lights to analyze those two blue lines. Still in complete shock, I slowly collected myself and proceeded to tell my husband.

I called for him normally and asked that he’d meet me in our bedroom…

Jay looked at the test and replied “what does it mean?!” As I paced back and forth, I stared at him like what do you think. He was like FUCK! In that moment I felt normal in our response. In my husband’s shock, he immediately googled how much it would cost to raise a child over a lifetime. He proudly announced the number and seemed perfectly fine.

The best part of that moment of finding out we were pregnant, was his embrace. He gave me the best hug and advised me that all will be alright. Jay has the most reassuring eyes. I swear the sky could be falling but focusing on him can make it all ok. After we took a breath we called our parents and let them know.

I made an appointment to see my OB GYN…

The doctor will not see you until you’re 8 weeks. They tell you congrats and basically put you in a waiting room to figure out what’s happening in your body. Several weeks past, I went to the doctor only to find out that I’d been classified as AMA (Advanced Maternal Age).

The force is strong with our young Jedi…

A post shared by Heir Nunn (@heirnunn) on Mar 27, 2018 at 1:39pm PDT

I remember a time when you wanted to be advanced. A time when you were so proud to tell people who you were advanced whether in school or being apart of some source of higher accomplishments. Well when you are 35 at the OB GYN there is nothing AMAZING about being advanced. It means you’re medically old as fuck.

They will repeat that shit multiple times throughout your every and all appointments. At my first appointment due to my own boredom I actually counted how many times the nurses and nurse assistance referred to my age, it was over 20 times. This on repeat can leave you feeling defeated after each appointment.

I made a decision…

Lastly, I will not allow any medical professionals or anyone else for that matter make me feel awkward during such a joyous time. I know all the tests and blood work is to the benefit of my child.

As a new mom, I will not allow it to define my overall experience. I have to say that out loud over and over for me to still understand. It’s still an adjustment period. I will be updating  my pregnancy thoughts and feelings periodically.

I love your support and I appreciate your love.

Jersey

P.S. To follow my pregnancy updates @heirnunn on Instagram.