3AM IN DUBAI…Jersey What Are You Doing?

It’s 3am in Dubai and for the last couple of days I haven’t been able to sleep. When I do go to sleep it’s around this time or later. I keep asking myself what is keeping me up? As a Virgo my mind is constantly working. Probably one of the reasons I’m not sleeping. I’ve been told before to turn my brain off. If I could only find the switch lol.

Always thinking about everything and everybody. Everyone is sleeping here in Dubai yet Jersey is still up. I know I need to be on a better sleep schudele because this way of life is not good for my health. Funny thing is I keep thinking of home.

I’m up thinking about New Jersey. I keep thinking there is something happening in my city that I am going to miss. Then I get on facebook and I try to live at home through my peers. I guess there is no quick fix for this problem. The clock has struck 3:01 and now I am thinking about food.

Food would be a bad idea because when I eat late I have nightmares and over the top dreams. When I went to sleep yesterday morning I dreamed about being in my old apartment but there was nothing in it and I was alone.

I sat on the carpet and stared at all the white walls. Then pondered my next move. Oddly my doorbell rang and I ran to open the door. There was a small package but no one person who had delivered it.

I looked left and right then closed the door. I looked at the label to see if there was any writing that looked familiar. Of course the lettering was blurry so I shook it. Hoping the sound would help me identify the contents. The sound I didn’t recognize. Then I smelled it and it just smelled of cardboard.

So I finally opened it  and inside was a small white pebble. I held it in my hand wondering it’s significance to my empty home. Then I woke up before I could get the answer. I am not sure what my dream meant but I know I am having a problem adjusting to my new surroundings.

You never know how much you miss the simple things like people understanding you or the sound of American life. It has it’s own soundtrack that can’t be duplicated with McDonald’s structures or familiar pop songs. A man told me that Dubai is just like New York. I looked at him and said “Sir you have never been to New York.”

“Tall buildings and city life is not all New York is about. It is the hustle, the smells of cultures kissing, and it’s rich history. Dubai Sir is nothing like New York.” As I complete my thought I am looking at the clock. I realize It has become later yet I still have neglected my slumber.

For some sleep is as easy as turning off the light, grabbing their favorite pillow, and drifting off into a self induced coma. I envy those people. My fiancee is one of them. He can sleep anywhere. What is keeping me from sleeping? Why am I even explaining these collection of thoughts?

This could be my attempt to heal whatever depression I am facing from not being able to see, smell, or touch the familiar. You know when it is night it seems like life is standing still when your awake? I look out my windows in my apartment that make up the wall and I see the water that is usually moving standing still.

I feel just like that water not being able to move. Feeling paralyzed by the couch and scared of these new moments. I am a very optimistic person and I feel that is one of my best qualities. Oh but the feeling of being homesick sure does get in the way of my usual sunshine.

I pray that God helps me through my transition. I pray that after these few words I can curl up next to my prince and go to sleep. I am starting to feel tired now as time passes on. Maybe my last point isn’t such a bad idea. I never mean to bore you with my thoughts I just write them to understand myself.

xoxo

Momma Bared