And To Think I Didn’t Want to Get Married…

Growing up I found the foundation of marriage to be a bunch of bullshit. I thought marriage was just away for people to have sex without pissing God off.

I remember as a teen in home economics baking cookies I burned when our teacher asked us “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?” All the other girls proclaimed love, marriage and children. When it was my turn my to answer I said ” I want some nice shoes, a lot of money, and dope apartment in New York City.” While the stares of disappointment pierced my adolescent soul I knew I was different.

Moments like this continued to plague my life where I stood alone. The teacher then said “Tiffany you don’t want any children or a husband?” My answer was “Why? People get divorced and children are expensive. I like shoes a lot more.” After my reply the silence deepen and the stares were longer.

I remember telling my mom this story after it happened and she just assumed that I was a lesbian. Lesbian mom really? I have never been attracted to women so I don’t know where she got that from. I think women are beautiful but I don’t want them all in my hamburger.

Well at least I had gay support from my mom if that was the case right? Into young adulthood I carried the chip on my shoulder of my parents failed marriage which made it hard for me to be completely serious with anyone.

In all my serious relationships the common issue was my unwillingness to go to the next step. Like most young relationships it ended in an overly dramatic way. Cheating, lying, and other women which pushed me further from the ideals of marriage.

In my lifetime I’ve been proposed to twice. The first time I ran away and the second time the bottom half of my body broke out in an itch spell. Due to the level of anxiety I felt I threw up as well. I completely understood Carrie Bradshaw’s bridal shop meltdown.

Then later in life I met a man who was just like me. A guy who was ambitious, good-looking, funny, and had a love for family.  We built our friendship and relationship on complete honesty. We made a vow early on after watching The Wood together that we would “Mack and Hang” for life. Boy were we wrong lol.

After three years of amazing macking/hanging he asked me to marry him while watching a television commercial. “Tiff, you know what we should get married.” and I replied without even thinking “That would be dope.” Then we continued to watch the program that played. For most people that isn’t romantic but it speaks volumes about who we are and the flow to our relationship. It was amazing and casual just like us.

I ask myself what made me truly open my heart? It was the honesty and the friendship. He is the only other person outside of my own mother I feel completely safe around. Also when the question was asked I was calm and it felt good. I can’t believe I almost allowed myself to miss this.

When I look back at the old me it is quite comical but we all have to find our own way right? What I’ve learned is never allow fear to dictate your experiences.

I’m glad I didn’t because now I have the best gift. I get to hold his hand everyday, laugh with him every night, and love on him for the rest of my life. What’s better than that? In my opinion nothing. I did alright for a girl who broke out and threw up.

On funnier note can you believe my mom only stop believing I was a lesbian when I got married!? LMAO! Mom’s I tell you.

I love you for reading.

xoxo

Jersey