Dear Jersey: I was Thinking of You…My Open Letter

Dear Jersey

Today I thought fondly of you as I rose from my coma like sleep. I thought about your rough edges, the places I frequented, and the friends that made me laugh. I looked around my room and realized not even sun and sandy beaches can compare to what I’ve left in you. Throwing the blankets off my arms and legs I realized I miss my god son’s infectious laugh.

It is a melody that I keep close to my heart. I see him as my own although he belongs to my best friend. I don’t feel best friend is even a good enough title for someone who has seen you through so many transitions. I sit here and reflect on how many seasons we’ve seen and how each one has changed us into extraordinary women.

As I get out of bed to make my breakfast I think of get togethers. I think of jokes, food, and the smiles of all whom I love. I think about my cousin and my god daughter. My cousin’s spirit reminds me of a simplier time in my youth. Her stories of our early twenties always make me laugh.

I realized she was apart of some of the best moments of my life. Me and her always on an adventure together. We were traveling buddies but things changed once my god daughter was born. It was for the better. She has the most beautiful spirit and her smile lights up a room. In my memories I see her sweet face stealing granola while singing “Heartbreak Hotel”.

Eating my meal I think of the last time I saw you. I think of last meals, games, and fun we had. Packing you up was one of the hardest things I had to do. I remember turning off the light for the last time in my apartment although I wasn’t there long it still felt like an end of an era .

Taking the last of the items that created the moments of my life to storage made me realize it was true that I was leaving you behind. Remembering placing those items in the 10 x 10 and hearing the door shut I knew it was over. As he locked it and he took my hand and walked away. I knew with every step it was the last time for a long while.

In that moment it all became real. In that second I missed all dear to me. I thought of my mother and although she had already left that I couldn’t just go to her house anymore. I thought of my aunt, uncle, and cousins. I could see and feel them all slipping away from me and it made tears fall from my eyes. Walking with the hand God placed in my life for trust and protection he promised I would be alright. The feelings I felt were normal.

Washing my dish looking out my kitchen window to sand and water so blue it doesn’t compare to the faces I can no longer see. I think of the last time I saw my best friend who I think of as a sister. I think of when she said to me I will see you next time and my strong face didn’t know when that would be. I watched her and my smiley faced god son walk away. Saying goodbye was never easy for me.

I think of the last time I hugged my mother and what she smelled like. I remember her telling me it will be alright and that he would take care of me now. I knew that was the last time I would see her but it didn’t make it any less hard. We’ve had our differences but she is still my mother and a life without her is no life at all. I hope she knows that.

As I turn out the kitchen light I realize that is exactly what life is a second. You hope it is filled with love, happiness, and quality. So far Jersey because of you it has been. I will go on about my day and I will smile because what you have given me is joy. I miss you and everything you are. I know this letter can’t compare to the life offered but I thought I could share.

Take Care

-Momma Bared