Emotional Intelligence: Does it Impact You Socially?

I recently took a course about emotional intelligence. I had no idea what the testing criteria was or if the way I chose to communicate has impacted others. Emotional Intelligence by definition means the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.

So let’s break that down for a moment. A person who obtains this level of intellect can communicate their emotions in an amazing way while maintaining empathy for others without prejudgment. Prejudgement we all do that right?

As I took this course I wondered if I have fell victim to negative thought that allowed me to prejudge a situation.

As I analyzed, I thought of the times I use to start a complaint to my husband with “you always”. The statements I made were accustory. It removed his option to be anything different to me. My mind had made a very clear choice of who he was. Having these negative thoughts doesn’t allow room for growth or better solutions.

You always leave your shoes in the middle of the floor and I have to always put them away!

What are these moments of prejudgments or negative thoughts called? The instructor calls it “the story we tell ourselves”. We create the narrative without considering the actual facts. For example you have a headache and you google “headache”. Now you have cancer.

Yet there is no doctor who has diagnosed you and you have no medical evidence other than your stellar searching skills to solidify your findings. We have to start living within the facts of what we do know.

Instead of telling Jay he always leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor, I could say ” Is it possible that you could put your shoes away? I have been doing it lately and I could really use the help as I am tired.”

By changing my approach, I have effectively communicated my emotions and considered other factors being in the way for him not being able to manage the task. This doesn’t remove his accountability within not completing the task but offers a chance to begin again.

Stop! I know what you’re thinking? I need to throw a parade for when someone does something right within their fault?

No I am saying consider and chose the way you communicate your feelings in those moments. Use clear and thought provoking adjectives that help horne in on your direct feelings.

I found while taking this course that I am largely self-aware and extremely empathic. Although empathic I also have negative thought too. I never thought truly how my mind processed it until now. When I am processing negative thoughts about a situation I’ve realized my brain isn’t just looking to be validated from the fault of others. I allow myself to sift through my thoughts to find errors on my behalf. What could I have said or did that caused this disconnect?

How could I have contributed to this issue? What could I have done differently to help in a alternate outcome? As we never want to live in “blame” because it is just a way to remove accountability and culpability.

It removes the option to learn and mature from the event.

I am not saying that things aren’t completely someone’s fault but as people we can find missed opportunities within conflict all the time. Conflict doesn’t need to be scary but welcomed. I know it doesn’t always feel welcoming but it is an opportunity to learn more about others.

I have learned that when I communicate my emotions clearly and respectfully that it can be the a door to new information. My willingness to share creates awareness that a situation needs resolution. The only expectation you should have is that they will hear you and work on it.

Lack of emotional intelligence makes it hard when you don’t receive instant gratification. It takes most humans to develop a new habit in 30 days. Which means our expectations need to be realistic when a friend or a spouse is working on some changes that at first weren’t natural.

To answer my initial question does the level of social intelligence impact socially? My answer would be yes. It can impact negatively or positively depending upon the will of others. However, we can only control and work on ourselves. I challenge you today to think about how you handle conflict? Do you allow the story or negative thoughts base your reality?

Let’s start the conversation here and talk about how we can all be more emotionally smart.

I love you for reading

Jersey