Hair Wars: Can’t We All Just Get Along!

In today’s society, seeing black women with natural hair is no longer a strange sight.  Women are beginning to embrace their natural textures and are comfortable letting their hair grow freely without the pressure to chemically relax it.  It is still considered a bold statement by many, but no longer equated with being militant or rebellious.  Natural hair can be seen in the media, on celebrities and even in corporate America.  It is a testament to the strides we’ve made to be free to show our ethnicity.

Although we have clearly taken steps forward, we now have the problem of black woman turning against each other in this debate about natural hair being better than relaxed.  There are many women in the natural hair community who feel it is their duty to try to “convert” as many relaxed heads as possible so they can see the error of their ways.  Personally, I have a problem with that movement.

A woman has a right to wear her hair however she chooses.  A person with chemically relaxed hair has no right to tell the natural person to straighten her hair, just as the natural hair wearer has no business telling the relaxer-hair wearer to change hers.  As black women, we should encourage each other and not tear each other down.

At the end of the day, it’s just hair and people need to do what works for them and their lifestyle.  If you see a person who has broken and damaged hair and they ask for help, perhaps you can steer them in the right direction, but to tell them to be chemical-free or to relax is frankly none of your business.

Conversely, there are many natural-hair wearers who do not embrace their own beauty.  They are on a constant quest for the right products to enhance their curl pattern, or they constantly press their hair so no one can see what it looks like in its natural state. How can a person truly embrace her natural texture if she never wants anyone to see it?

In my opinion, this is no different than the person who is relaxed and scared of her natural hair.  In order to be truly comfortable in your own skin, you need to be content with what grows out of your head. I am not saying that I think styling options are a problem.

I am simply saying that fear of judgment is something that does not escape even those who are natural.   It is one thing to wear your hair pressed because you like the look, and something totally different to wear it that way because you dislike the kinky hair that grows from your scalp.

The bottom line is that it’s important for people to be comfortable in their own skin and not judge.  There is no reason to look at that natural or relaxed person and feel you are better simply for the choices you make in hair care.  At the end of the day, we all want to have healthy, problem-free hair.  That’s really all that matters.  If you choose to wear your hair a certain way, be conscious of the reasons why.

Do some self-examination and think about your reasons for relaxing.  Are you relaxing because you simply like the look and styling options of your relaxed hair or are you truly uncomfortable with your hair it its natural state?  For the women who wear their natural hair pressed or with lots of product, ask yourself the same question.

Are you doing that because you don’t like what grows from your scalp, or is it just about a style?  If is important to ask yourself these questions so that you will be more self-aware and less likely to judge those who are going through their own hair journey.  Again, as woman we need to pull each other up. There is enough out there in this world trying to tear women of color apart.