I Thought I Had Cancer!

I have neglected my blog due to my life happening.

Over the last two months a lot has happened in my life. One day I started to feel pain around my nipple area and I felt a lump. So of course my brain went straight to cancer. I was thinking about all the things I didn’t see and all I haven’t done when I touched that lump. In a panic I ran to Jay yelling “I am going to die from cancer!”

He looked at me with his calming eyes and assured me that I didn’t have cancer but we should consult a doctor. Although slightly calm from his words, I was like a doctor? Here? Fuck! Due to my panic Jay then took me to local government hospital which was a nightmare. The medical conditions were not safe and it made you feel very uncomfortable. The hospital looked and the people in looked as happy as the dancing zombies in the Thriller video.

After we observed the establishment we then looked at each other in our unspoken language and proceeded to the exit. I am going to be the first to admit that I was in no way interested in Middle Eastern medicine. We searched the internet in it’s in entirety for the cleanest and most recommended hospital.

We then stumbled across this private hospital in Ajman. We also asked some friends of ours about it and they recently had a surgery and a baby there. I had a consultation with the doctor and they told me I needed to go to radiology to make sure it wasn’t cancer. Boy was I scared.

Here I am 30 years old having a mammogram and ultrasound of my breast. For the record ultrasounds and mammograms suck. Getting your breast squeezed to a pancake shape for them to take the same picture it seems for the non-medical mind is not only uncomfortable but stupid. Ultrasounds leave your breast full of gooey material that is a bitch to wipe off.

So I am laying there the doctor keeps adding more liquid and scraping away saying nothing. The quiet was driving me crazy. I was so anxious I just started to talking and asking questions. So I could stay calm. He knew I was nervous so he smiled and laughed with me to keep me comfortable.

Once the test were over we waited for the results. I couldn’t tell you what was worse the waiting or the quiet. The doctor then told me I had a boil in my breast. So I felt better to know it wasn’t cancer but it didn’t end there. After the screening and the meds were prescribed over a week my breast became feverish and the lump grew.

If it was touched I felt like I wanted to cry. So like all neurotic people who have no medical degree they search the internet for a likely diagnoses. Web MD duh!  Although Jay told me not to search until we returned to the doctor I couldn’t help myself. So after searching against instruction I found my symptoms matched Inflammatory Breast Cancer.

So of course I had a meltdown. I start to cry uncontrollably screaming I have IBC. Yelling around the house and falling to the full make snow angels saying “its all over Jay.” Jay took my computer and I wasn’t allowed to be on the internet until after my doctor’s visit.

Which was the next day we returned to the doctor and the doctor checked my breast again. He asked for another ultrasound. The boil exploded in my breast causing an abscess. I had to have surgery the same day. Now I am having mixed emotions. Happy it’s not IBC but sad I have to get on the operating table in the Middle East. I knew I had to because it was the only way to get better.

We checked into the hospital and Jay smiled the whole time. Jay and I prayed so hard. Then it was time to go. For the record laying on a stretcher sucks. You have no control. You have to trust that the people around you know what they are doing. As they rolled me into the operating room I let go of Jay’s hand and his smiling face that brought me comfort.

Entering the OR was mad scary. The anaesthesiologist tried to shove the sleeping mask over my face. I said “No!”  He then asked me “What’s the matter, are you scared?” My face was priceless. No sir this is the highlight of my day to go under, and be cut on?!  I remember allowing him to place the mask over my face and I said “God protect me.” Obviously I made it through the surgery but it was a very nerve wrecking situation to be in. I pray God keeps me healthy going forward. I advise all my ladies to be mindful of your body.

Due to this situation I pay way more attention to my breast and the feel to make sure everything is alright.

Now to the current time I am not sure what direction I want this blog to go in. I think the only thing I am sure of is that it feels good to write finally. I feel like I can breath again. I am sure my audience thinks I have abandoned them but that’s not true. I have been under a lot of stress. Anyway I am back now and I am still trying to figure it out. Y’all have a good day 🙂