Past Loves…How Many of Us Have Them?

Past loves are like old shoes you find in the back of the closet either you want to keep them or throw them away. What I mean by keep them is thinking fondly on a time when you were vulnerable and that person changed you for the better even if it ended worse. I believe that everyone we let into our personal space to love or to care about is a teacher and every moment is a class.

Today as I stared out my window from the other side of the world I think of how far I have come in my dating life. It seems I have dated every type of man: the player, the mommy’s boy, the wanna be drug dealer from the suburbs, the gang member, and the boy next door just to name a few. Sometimes I chuckle at the young girl I use to be. I was a tough cookie but when I let someone in it meant I really trusted them. I guess that was why it felt so bad when most of them ended.

All of my major relationships whether good or bad definitely helped me in my future selection process. Every man I have dated has taught me something that I do and don’t like about their kind or myself. I have paid close attention to these things not to prevent heartbreak but to prevent wasted time.

I find it that a lot of women just date but don’t use these similar tools to see who they really are and what it is they truly want. I feel like some women treat men like a roulette table with the hope of a possible win.

You can’t base a relationship on luck nor can you have a strategy but you do need to know what you will and will not tolerate. I feel like it all starts with you as a person how someone will treat you man/ woman. If you come in acting as a door mat that is how you will be treated.

Prime example I dated a guy who use to disappear every weekend and I would make an excuse that he was working when I knew in my heart that he wasn’t. It just felt better to do that than to be in the reality of the truth.

Weekend after weekend went by and I was creating a pattern where this man thought it was ok to treat me this way. This ultimately was my fault because I allowed the behavior. I didn’t react until much later and by then the behavior was already in motion. Which meant it was to late for change.

To complain about it now would be stupid. How are you going to complain to someone about something you have allowed to go on? I know what you are thinking “Well I would have told him off set him straight blah blah blah!” Ok even if you had and then you take him back repeatedly then your just like me.

He hears your yells but he knows the end result. This man is already aware that your yelling is the extent of punishment because you will stay. By setting this pattern he feels he can fuck up all the time without real consequence. I say all this to say do not be a repeat offender. When you date someone learn from your experiences because they will help in the long run.

So when you do find that old shoe in the closet you don’t throw it away because of the memory, it just doesn’t fit “YOU” anymore. Smile on your growing pains and realize these experiences give you power not pain.

xoxo
Jersey- “I’m not trying to be famous, I just want to share my stories”