Pregnancy: Crying in the Mirror…

Crying in the Mirror…

I am well into my 15th week of pregnancy, I still haven’t found peace in these body changes. As most you know, early last year I went on a weight loss journey. I changed my eating habits, exercised daily (sometimes twice a day), and became extremely active. I ended up losing and maintaining a 45 pound weight loss. My overall goal was to lose 100 pounds before getting pregnant.

After my wedding renewal, I gained 5 pounds. Which wasn’t a big deal until I became increasingly tired. Not knowing at the time my body was preparing to bring in new life. My first trimester of pregnancy, I hardly remember as I was asleep for most of it. I would go to bed at 5pm and not wake up until the following morning. After all that sleep I would still find myself exhausted. So between eating and not being active, I gained more weight than I wanted to.

When I discovered I was pregnant and understood the reason for my actions it didn’t make me feel any better. I saw all my hard work going down the drain. How will I recover from any of this? You’re not supposed to be dieting while pregnant or be on any real food restrictions.

Outside of the small list of foods not suggested during pregnancy. I couldn’t take my supplements or drink teas to clean impurities like I did prior. As it may reflect badly on your fetus, and at 35 you can’t take the risk. Especially being a medical risk yourself. I couldn’t hit the gym as hard as I used to due to fear of falling or dangerous straining which could also reflect badly on the baby.

I became overly stressed….

Which isn’t good during pregnancy as they feel what you feel. Looking at my body in the mirror transforming beyond my control I just cried. It was confirmation that I had no control in what my body would become over the next 6 months. As a planner, this felt devastating. My plans make me feel a sense of security even if they don’t work out.

I started looking over all my old clothes that now fit tightly and became inconsolable. In those moments I felt like a failure but everyone kept saying it’s for a good cause. It’s “cause” you’re pregnant. You’re going to be a mom. All I kept thinking was I just became bikini ready. Exposed belly button and all. I know you’re thinking I’m so damn shallow and a not thinking of the bigger picture.

I’m most certainly thinking of that image in my future. Being 35 and a new mom to be, it is imperative that I am in great shape to run with my baby. When you’re older your metabolism starts to slow down, making it harder to lose weight. I want nothing more than to be active with my fine ass husband and my little one. I have no desire to sit on the side lines of my baby’s life because I am too fat.

My energy has come back and my cravings are starting to curve…

Now that my body is starting to normalize with a growing bump, I’m feeling a lot better. I feel like I can go back out there and exercise. First, I will start with walking, and work my way back up to running. I want to be in the best shape for longevity with my husband and child. I love them and will to do whatever it takes for more time.

I’ve been looking at unique meal plans that work for pregnant women and pregnancy workouts. Now that I have a plan and trying to execute it makes me feel like I’m moving in the right direction. Even with a new diet/exercise plan being implemented I’m not naive about gaining more weight during pregnancy. As I am the baby’s home which expands within time. So I know I have to get over the things I can’t change or beyond my control. As for the cravings, if I have them I will allow myself to indulge once in a while.

Second trimester I’ve read is supposed to be the best time and I plan to take full advantage of it. After my last post’s response, it made me feel more comfortable to share what’s been true to me. I’m so glad Jay advised me to write my truth.

“Tiff you never know who maybe too afraid to say this out loud. Women need this. Share your story babe.” Jay

Here I am using my blog as a diary and I hope it does find someone to make their pregnancy easier. If it does, you’re normal homie even if you don’t fall into the societal norms.

That’s all I have for today and I love you for reading.

xoxo

Jersey