Are You Really Taking Responsibility For Your Actions?

I woke today thinking about faults and am I personally holding myself accountable. It is a huge step in your maturity to understand the ugly sides of yourself. The even bigger portion is to do something about it!

Are You Really Taking Responsibility For Your Actions?

I think about my anger issue and what they have held me back from. My anger issues stem from the neglect of my father. Although I wasn’t loved in the way I deserved, does that give me an excuse to act out? I feel as an adult that you have to accept that there are somethings in life you won’t ever experience. Understanding that it is not a fault of yours but you have to make peace with it.

For example in relationships I was never really trusting of men and nor did I believe in marriage. I was always guarded because I couldn’t bare a repeat of the pain my father inflicted on me. So I was defensive ALL the time. I would allow myself to be in a relationship with bumpers. No man was ever allowed to cover the whole of me and I was okay with that because it worked for the most part.

Then as I got older and understood what I was doing was allowing someone else to control my life. Why was I allowing a person who did nothing for me be a reference? So at that moment I knew I had to take responsibility in my role in the hurtful shit I went through as a child to young adult. I understood that my half attempts with men and my dripping distain about the beautiful union that is shared between two people was being ruined based on fear and a person who was never consistent.

I had to put my big girl panties on and ask myself was I going to let the actions of another run my life forever? My answer was no! I have one life to live. There are no second chances in this thing. It would be unfair to myself to let my experiences that I couldn’t control affect my future. When I decided to release myself from that emotional jail beautiful things started to happen.

At that point I met the man who I fell in love with deeply. A friend, protector, and lover. Everything I needed and wanted. I opened myself completely to the things I deserved. At this point I realized before I didn’t deserve it because I did everything not to have it. People will always do things in your life that they may or may not own up to but the important part is you make peace.

If you don’t make peace with the situations of your past they will OWN you and take up the ultimate space in your heart. You can have emotions over your past and even cry but they can’t be used as a crutch for future faulty decisions. Reflecting on it may make you cry but once that last tear falls wipe your face and be done with it. The tears are just releasing what’s left over.

I just needed to write this today and I hope that people are owning their part in their choices. If you weren’t before I hope this helped. Take responsibility! Your an adult now!